Remember that old song "KING OF PAIN" by The Police? Goes like this...(UHHUM *clears throat*)
"There's a little black spot on the sun today....It's the same old thing as yesterday."
When I was in my young teens and a real DWEEB I'm sure, we used to sing it like this
"There's a little brown spot in my underwear...It's the same old stain as yesterday."
I know, I'm weird and silly but for some reason that crazy song came back tonight when I was getting up from bed to use the bathroom. I GOT THAT STAIN but it's a little RED DOT! A little sign from God that my body is back on track doing what it is suppose to! And raring to get going for this cycle I am!!
So, I had to get up after I was already in bed to post this because I felt I had to or I wouldn't be able to sleep. I fear I will still toss and turn at the vast possibilities of my future embryos, baby names, how I will look pregnant, when I will tell our family-THERE'S SO MUCH ON THIS TWISTED IF ROAD That can literally "make you twisted" isn't there?
One minute I'm thrilled, excited and JUST KNOW I will be pregnant. I know it will work and I am confident that our plan to pass the other 4 embies on to my friend "A" will work out perfectly.
The next minute I'm filled with FEAR. Fear of the unknown, fear of it not working. Fear of failing the donor couple if it doesn't work. The fear that I or my DH may not want to go through this a second time if it doesn't.
That little red dot has meant that this is now FOR REAL, it's time to move forward and in 45 days my 2 sweet baby's will be inside me. It's so surreal.
And so this is the time where scriptures I have memorized come bursting forth in my brain and give me comfort. The first one is my absolute favorite!
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6
"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." Psalm 94:19
19 hours ago