Monday, February 1, 2010

17 weeks... Blood Pressure.

Here's my 17 week belly pic!

I will admit, I've been in a "funk" almost like living under a DARK CLOUD since our donor family changed their minds about the embryos-lots of crying and stress.....But I CANNOT let this steal my pregnancy joy or thrill I have for my little girl right? Well, it has robbed some of my joy despite me trying SO HARD not to let it.

The day after my last post, I got my results back from my 24 hour urine-still spilling protein-abnormal and high. She said there is NOTHING I can do to change it. UGH! I feel so helpless.

I had an "episode" yesterday when I was getting the kids all ready for church.  I was just doing my normal thing, running around and gathering kids and clothes and I got out of breath & felt my heart racing. My BP was high. about 140/96. She doesn't really want my diastolic (bottom number) above 90 at any time and if so, I am to call. SO.. I waited until this morning and called. She increased my BP meds to 3 times a day.

After watching The Duggar's special last night and bawling my brains out while watching Michelle suffer with pre-eclampsia...I could only think "THAT COULD BE ME!!"

The sermon in church helped me yesterday.  It was on FEAR.  I fear SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.

Fear for my baby's life.

Fear for MY life.

Fear of BED REST!

Fear of my child growing up with ALL that is gone on with the donor family.

I  know but needed a WAKE UP CALL that this FEAR IS NOT OF THE LORD!!!!!

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy  31:6

I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4

Living in fear is sin, so I will TRY MY HARDEST to get a handle on it RIGHT NOW!


  1. yes... it's a challenge to stay in the moment! I'm trying my best. My mantra: live in love, not in fear.

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  3. I understand how you feel about how your child will grow up. One of my greatest fears in trying to have or adopt a child is how that child will grow up without grandparents (hopefully many years from now) and with older parents and then maybe by themselves when they are still very young. I know, though, that I can't control any of those circumstances and that God will care for that child through every circumstance. It is hard, though, and the fear can be paralyzing sometimes. Paralyzing from moving us forward. I will be praying for you. Not sure if anything I just said made sense.

  4. Ohh sweetie!Your picture is great~ I am sorry things are rough right now. It will get better.

  5. You have waited so long for this; don't allow the enemy to rob you of one more day. The things that you fear are not in your control. You friend is hurting but the Lord has a perfect plan and has not abandoned them but will walk them through this pain and to their forever pregnancy and child. The stresses with the donor family are unfortunate but they are just people and people are going to let you down. This is your baby and your time to shine. Allow yourself the joy that you've waited for. Praying that the hurt will give way and you will again see that the Lord is completely in control and has a perfect plan.

  6. Praying for God to lift you up and encourage you! You look wonderful!

  7. Slooooow down friend! You need to take care of yourself and that baby, which means going a little slower, and trying to worry a little less. Yes, I know - I'm one to talk! We have our challenges cut out for us, don't we?! So, repeat after me: Let Go. Let God. And stop punishing yourself about the 3 remaining embies. It wasn't your fault, it wasn't in your control. Forgive yourself, sweetie.