Test Results...

My test results came back yesterday from my 24 hour urine. It was not exactly what I wanted to hear. My urine showed elevated protein levels so I was put on twice daily blood pressure medicine which I started last night. I will have another 24 hour urine in 1 month.

They will be monitoring me very closely & told me to lay down with my feet up or on my left side as much as possible & not get stressed (HA HA HA with 6 young kids & a hubby that is gone 2 weeks a month, it won't happen often). I also have a lot of swelling (can't wear my wedding ring).

The good news is that she said it is doing more harm to me & hardly any to the baby at this point. I go in Thursday to see my doctor & hopefully will get more answers then & be reassured by hearing the baby's heart beat.

I am comforted by knowing that God is holding both of us in his palm...

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!!!!!!!!!"For a child is born to us, a son is given to us.The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called:Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace!" Isaiah 9:6

Praising HIM for all our Christmas Miracles & for the birth of our Savior!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!

High Blood Pressure

I have struggled all weekend with high blood pressure. It all started Friday evening when I went to scrub my kitchen floor on my hands and knees after one of the kids spilled apple juice. I got a bit scared as just doing that little bit of work took my breath away. It took laying down for quite a while to get my breath back. I decided to go ahead and check my BP and it was 150/100. I took it a bit later and it was still 130/98. I took it first thing Saturday morning and it was still high so I called the Dr. on call.

THE DOCTOR told me to rest with my feet up and keep monitoring my BP the rest of the weekend. I told her it would be difficult to keep my feet up with 6 little ones to care for. That's when she CROSSED THE LINE. She said "MAYBE AFTER THIS BABY, YOU SHOULD CONSIDER SOME BIRTH CONTROL!"

The NERVE!!! She doesn't know me, has NO CLUE that my other 6 kids are adopted and that this baby was prayed for, worked hard for and a true MIRACLE! UGH! I WILL be discussing this with my Dr. when I see her.

It was determined that I either have chronic hypertension or PIH (pregnancy induced hypertension). At any rate, it is VERY worrisome. I started a 24 hour urine today and will turn it in tomorrow morning to see if I am spilling protein into my urine & will also be seen by the Dr. and have another BP check. I don't think I have chronic hypertension BECAUSE I have NEVER EVER had high BP in my life and my chart proves it. I have also had major swelling in my arms, legs and feet. If I have either of the conditions I will now be HIGH RISK & be seen more often. I am praying that I will be able to take a high blood pressure medicine and still be able to have a normal pregnancy. I can't WAIT until my hubby gets home on Sunday-he is SUCH a HUGE HELP!

Dear Lord,
Please protect me and the baby. Please wrap your arms around our baby and keep him/her safe. Please don't let this high blood pressure affect or harm our little miracle.
AMEN

First OB visit!

I had my 1st OB visit on Monday. They drew 2 vials of blood, had me pee in a cup and took my weight. I am up 7 pounds from August. This is THE MOST I've weighed since my last pregnancy in 1989 & I'm not thrilled about it.

The nurse went over all the info, what to eat, how often I will be seen etc. & made all my appointments through June. I then met with my Dr. and we went over things. She was THRILLED that I am pregnant. I am her 1st embryo adoption patient & the first one in the entire practice! SO EXCITING! She went over the test that MOST moms over 35 need (NT scan etc) and it was clear I needed none of them since my donor mom was 22. She says "I will basically treat you like you are 22!" WISH I FELT LIKE IT!!!

I then went into a room with a nurse who was searching for the baby's heart beat on doppler. She tried many times and couldn't find it so I happily & nervously waited 45 minutes until a sono tech was available and was THRILLED to see our little miracle with arms and legs just FLAILING about! They REALLY went out of their way to make sure I was at ease. It is well worth the hour drive each way!

Here is our little sweet one at 10w2d! Heart Beat 176! Next visit-New Year's Eve Day. I thought after my last shot, the morning/all day sickness would get better. It may have eased up a bit but I am sick most of the time & comforted in the fact that this means baby is doing GREAT!

I puked the other night & peed my pants all at the same time, looked at DH and BAWLED! Poor guy, I don't think he knew what to say! I am a hormonal mess. I cry at the tiniest things AND I have swelling in my hands, legs and feet!

Praising God for our little miracle! God IS GOOD, ALL THE TIME!

10 week Belly AND HEAD!

I'm 10 weeks today-YIPPEE!!Someone asked me last night if I was "SURE there was just one in there?"

I must look big???

NO MORE SHOTS!!! A reason to CELEBRATE!

SLOPPY NACHOS!

Have been my MAIN craving! Love adding some sloppy joe mix, cheese, sour cream and jalapenos on my chips! THIS HITS THE SPOT FOR BIG MAMA! Anything Mexican has been right up my alley this pregnancy! I have STRANGELY lost ALL craving for any chocolate or sweets-What is wrong with me?
Not much new here. 2 PIO shots left-YAHOOO-GOOD BYE LUMPY BUTT! We are also making plans to get the legal finalized on our 3 remaining embryos-which we will be donating to friends as soon as my 1st trimester is over. She will be doing her transfer in March-SO EXCITING!!

Oh, and the pregnancy dreams-INSANE! One night, I'm being chased by a lone gunman & the next I am living on the beach with flamingos and penguins. I have dreamed about a baby girl with pig tails? BIZARRE STUFF PEOPLE!

I have my first appointment with an OB nurse on Monday. Don't get to see my Dr. until 13 weeks-WHAT UP WITH THAT? I'm still excited! I was officially released from my RE to my OB this week-YAY! I will be 10 weeks on Saturday! God is GOOD!

DA BELLY..

The first picture was taken at 4 weeks.The second one at 8 weeks. I am BUSTING OUT OF MY PANTS-and very happy about my mini bump. Or as my hubby says "looks like you just ate one too many do-nuts!" SO SWEET!

My 10 year old son is the lucky fella that has taken all my belly pics! I take them every 2 weeks or so just to keep track.

Maybe one day when I'm wearing makeup and have done my hair (sometime in the 2nd trimester I assume), I will actually show you my head!

Still feeling lots of pregnancy symptoms and morning sickness. Thankful for it!

Even more thankful that I only have 9 more days of shots left!

My Dr. from CA called to congratulate me again the other day-we chatted for about 15 minutes. He has the most mellow, calming voice and really cares about his patients. We discussed my fears of stopping the progesterone and estrogen shots COLD TURKEY. He assured me that he had never had one woman lose a baby after 10 weeks because of progesterone deficiency. He also assured me that the placenta will have taken over the progesterone production by this point for sure. Really eased my mind!

8w2d SONO!

This is our gorgeous little miracle at 8w2d!! You can see the little arm and leg buds sticking out! SO PRECIOUS! His/Her little heart beat was 174bpm-right where it should be! A beautiful sight!

I have been SO SICK and TIRED! I guess my body is manufacturing the placenta right now-making me one exhausted MAMA! I have fought nausea & vomiting except while I am sleeping. I have had very little thought of miscarriage since being so sick-I KNOW the baby is okay as sick as I have been so the sickness is comforting.

It does make it difficult to be a patient mama & prepare for Christmas with the 6 little ones but God has given me the strength and stamina I need to get through & I know he will continue. I also have a horrible cold and am used to taking cold medicine. NO DOPE FOR ME!!!

FIRST PUKE-Jen Update

YOUR PRAYERS WORKED! Jen called and ALL IS WELL with her twinkies-PRAISE THE LORD and thank you for your prayers. She is now at home resting peacefully!

I was convinced this baby was a boy until tonight.... When I puked for the first time. I was very sick with my dd when I was pregnant 20 YES 20 years ago at age 19. Since I hadn't puked yet and was just nauseous, I assumed I was having a boy. God is so funny! He's really got me confused now!

It is taking LITERALLY EVERYTHING I HAVE to cook Thanksgiving dinner as the smell of anything but toast makes me want to puke!

I am NOT COMPLAINING-just keepin' it real! I puked and right after thanked the good Lord for my blessing. Being sick reminds me that everything is okay and baby is growing wonderfully! Thank you for that constant reminder Lord.

Have a BLESSED Thanksgiving!

Prayers NEEDED!!

Just got a call from my BFF through embryo adoption-JEN.

She is on her way to be monitored at the hospital. While at her routine OB appointment today they couldn't find one of the twins heart beats on doppler but they did on sono. They were concerned about both the babes heart beats and that Baby A was not active.

Jen is so scared but at the same time, she knows these babies are Gods and that HE HAS BIG PLANS FOR THEM! She is just not ready for them to be born yet at 29w5d.

I promised her I would request prayer on my blog and keep you all informed of any developments.

Please take a moment & say a prayer for Jen, her twins, her other 5 little ones and her hubby Pat! Thank you! God Bless & HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I'm COMING OUT!!

I wanted you guys to know "the real me." I have another family blog that I just announced my pregnancy on.

THAT BLOG DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS BLOG and I DON'T WANT IT TO :) Make sense? But, I wanted to share with you guys my other blog IF you are interested!

There are just some things on this blog I only want you guys to know-not particularly my IRL (in real life) friends and family that all read my other blog!

So CLICK HERE if you want to read about THE REAL ME-not the anonymous me!

I still want to share my feelings & embryo adoption experience with you guys and have also shared part of my story on my family blog. CLEAR AS MUD??? ALRIGHT THEN!!

It went well telling our parents except my mom was QUITE confused. She asked if I was having a "twin" to the donor couples baby? SAY WHAT MAMA? Twins are born at the same time out of the same womb. My MIL was the only one of the 4 to REALLY get it!

I am SUPER DUPER NAUSEOUS! Off to fix lunch and take a nap!

Meeting with THE PARENTS!

Both sets of parents are driving up for the day tomorrow. We will be telling them our wonderful news. I will be 7 weeks. They know NOTHING of our plans so I am not sure how they will react. They are all 4 in their mid seventies and I am praying this embryo adoption talk does not COMPLETELY freak them out.

This is how we will initially be telling them-with our littlest one coming out in this shirt except it is Black and our boys name is not Gavin :) And then of course we will be showing them our sonogram pictures!

HMMMM...should be an interesting day!

As for me, I am nauseous and exhausted AND THANKFUL FOR IT!

Blessing....

Here is our little blessing! One sweet little jewel with a perfect heart beat!
Measuring a PERFECT 6w2d old! The circle on the right is the yolk sac and the baby is the oblong part attached on the left. The head is at the top, rump at the bottom It was a surreal, emotional moment to see and hear the little heart beating! My dh was holding my hand all the while. We are SO THRILLED!! We watched and listened to the little sweetie for about 10 minutes. It was so neat!

On the way there, we drove by a lake, there was a bald eagle-THE FIRST ONE I'VE EVER SEEN IN REAL LIFE-floating above the lake. We also drove to the appointment in the first snow/blizzard of the year. It was a monumental day with God's beauty ALL around us!

We then went for a celebratory breakfast at Panera. I had a wonderful hot chocolate and a DIVINE bacon, spinach souffle. Just what the baby needed.

We have our next u/s in 2 weeks!

Praise the Lord for our sweet miracle baby!

To God be the GLORY!

6 weeks!!

I am 6 weeks today. PRAISE THE LORD!!!

I have many symptoms I am thankful for-a sore hiney from all those PIO & delestrogen shots, an itchy rash on the rump from the shots, slight nausea, breast tenderness and expansion, bloated belly, constipation, exhaustion and just plain JOY!!

Joy that this embryo adoption really worked! Joy that I am REALLY PREGNANT!

We will know in 2 days if we have one little jewel or two in there. I am praying both are flourishing nicely! SO EXCITED for our sonogram! It's Monday at 8am.

I am on my way to shop. My VOLUPTUOUSNESS has caused me to be busting out of the 2 bras I have that fit & it's quite uncomfortable. I am heading to get some bras, basketball shoes for my son and some Christmas shopping done too!

Have a blessed weekend and I can't wait to show you pictures of the little miracles on Monday!

Old Blood? FEAR.

I had a SMIDGE of old brown blood this a.m. when I woke up. It was just in my underwear. None when I wiped & I've worn a panty liner ALL DAY and no more. What does this cause for me??

FEAR!!!!!! Fear of miscarriage, fear of a blighted ovum and much more.

It is now that I must trust in the Lord to protect my babies and not let the fear stay constant & not research anything on the internet (oops too late).

It is now that I must recite the scriptures I know over and over in my head.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2

It is now that I must comfort myself knowing that God HAS BIG PLANS FOR THESE LITTLE ONES!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

NO MORE...

My RE doctor called to congratulate me on Friday. He said I have "solid numbers" and wished me a great pregnancy.

I had LOTS of questions for him. The first being

"CAN I STILL RIDE ON THE BACK OF OUR HARLEY?" He chuckled and said "No, you have worked too hard to get pregnant, I just don't want you bouncing around on the back of the bike."

So much for our end of the season ride and this most likely means I will be "OUT" for Sturgis next year LOL!

Also, no more 4-wheeler, go-cart OR jumping on our trampoline with the kids LOL!

I guess I never thought of all this stuff before!

I am feeling good. Just VERY TIRED, sore boobs, a smidge of nausea, constipation, frequent bathroom trips and I just FEEL bigger than I am LOL! Yesterday at church, I felt like "everyone knew I was preggers." I am paranoid, what can I say?

The PIO shots have also caused a rash on my rear end. IT ITCHES LIKE MAD! I have the choice to either continue having an itchy rear or do 3 vaginal suppositories a day which sounds like NO FUN! I really do not want to put anything up there so for now I am sticking to the shots!

I am 5 weeks 2 days already! Which means their little heart/hearts have already begun to beat. Hard to believe! God is so amazing! I will have my sono in one week! So exciting!

GROW BABIES GROW!

RELAXING...

That's what I am doing now that I just got my 3rd beta #! It needed to be above 600~

Drumroll please......


920!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yippee YI YI YAY! Giving Him ALL THE GLORY!

BTW, I'm also giving HIM ALL THE GLORY FOR MY NAUSEA! THANK YOU LORD!

Time to go hang up the big bag of maternity clothes I bought at Target! I was waiting for these results before I unpacked them!

Beta #2 Update

The nurse at my clinic did not seem concerned she said it was a good number and normal however they do want me to do another Beta on Friday and would like to see the number above 600. Patience, God is teaching me more patience right?

Praying my little one/ones are doing okay in there!

BETA #2

331

I am not thrilled with this number. Still waiting on the doctor to call and tell me what he thinks. I know it most likely means one of my little ones is no longer with me.

I will update after I chat with Dr.

NapTIME...

Has become a routine part of my EVERY DAY! I'm exhausted. Luckily, I nap when my other kids nap so that is WONDERFUL!

Nap time was VERY SPECIAL today because I woke up to THESE!!!!!! Over 2 dozen roses!!!!! They are from a couple that has a LOT to do with our embryo adoption. I will be telling you ALL about them later. My FIRST congratulatory gift-THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I decided to put these on my night stand.And these on my dressing table in my bathroom.

Another GLORIOUS day of GROWING BABIES & Friendship!!!

Can't wait for my beta results tomorrow!

A FRIEND LOVES AT ALL TIMES! Proverbs 17:17

3 Gifts!

• Besides the wonderful GIFT of my great beta,

• The second gift is 2-fold. The first part-a FLU SHOT-UGH! It was a CINCH compared to the progesterone shots. The second part of the gift was when lab tech called back to the nurse and said "WE HAVE an OB patient here that needs a flu shot." AN OB Patient? Who ON EARTH was she talking about. OH HEAVENS....LITTLE Ol' ME!

• I HEADED TO TARJAY right after my beta and flu shot & purchased myself gift #3...

A BODY PILLOW!! I looked on-line at pregnancy pillows. They are like $50. This hot little number was $20. $10 for the pillow, $10 for the giraffe cover that's soft like butter.

Can't wait to curl up to this BAD BOY tonight... AHHHHHH!!!

Dear Lord,

Tonight I thank you for everything you have given me. I thank you for letting my "jewel/jewels" survive thus far. Father, I know that these children are truly yours and I promise I will be the best mom I can be to them and teach them all about you.

Tonight I want to say a special thank you for all the IF friends you've brought into my life. I want to pray for those hurting, still trying, on their 2ww, in limbo or suffering a loss tonight. I hurt for them tonight. Father, give them hope. Reassure them that with YOU all things are possible. AMEN.

BETA IN....

1st official Beta....


196!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank YOU JESUS! Giving HIM all the GLORY!

Next beta Wednesday then 1st u/s 16th YIPPEE!

4 week madness!

Here's me in all my madness LOL!

Happy 4weeks little ones-KEEP GROWING!

NERVOUS NELLY!

Yes, i am a nervous NELLY about this pregnancy. I think all who have suffered IF are right? I just may be a bit more NUTS than the others of you.

I had a SHARP pain in my lower right side in the middle of the night that lasted about 30 seconds. It woke myself and DH up.

OF COURSE I called my gyn office this a.m.(after my positive $TREE test of course) and was promptly told it is TOTALLY NORMAL and just ligaments stretching out to make room for baby. She also told me that I also needed to get a flu shot when I am in the office Monday for my beta. I guess I will although I've never had one before.

I know you all must think I am COO COO FOR COCOA PUFFS to be testing every day but, it gets even better with my looniness ladies. In order to get pregnant, I had a surgery in August. My belly has never quite UNSWOLE itself from then AND all the hormone shots I take daily have made my abdomen a bit bigger. We were out yesterday and my biggest pair of jeans was DIGGING INTO MY GUT.

SO, you guessed it, at 3w5d pregnant I went to MOTHERHOOD MATERNITY and got a pair of jeans and a sweat outfit. DON'T JUDGE PEEPS! I know I'm nuts but they fit like butter and let my swollen gut breathe!!!!! If you've never been in there, they strap a fake belly pillow on you when you try the clothes on-so unbelievable.

Then I cried ALL THE WAY HOME in the car telling DH how I had just longed for the day to actually just buy a pair of these and just go into one of these stores. When I was pregnant 19 years ago, I never would have been able to afford to go in a maternity store. I wore sweats and big shirts!

I'm just "KEEPIN' IT REAL HERE" ..NUTS OR NOT!

PS-I'll be exactly 4 weeks tomorrow in case you wondered LOL!

TMI? PSYCHO TESTER!

Yes, I have become a PSYCHO TESTER! LOL! I just splurged on one of the "gold" tests just to reconfirm for the 2nd time today. You that have been through IF know the feeling. It's just SO HARD to believe. I really can't believe it, Even when the test came up positive in seconds. I don't know when I will truly believe it? I struggle with that. Something we've dreamed about for the 10 years we've been together is really happening-WOW!

Although my pre-natals have a stool softener in them, I'm one constipated MAMA! OUCH! I will be off for prune juice in the morning. I took a nap today when my kids napped and have a feeling this will be part of my normal routine. I was also told to up my caloric intake by 40% so I am really trying to eat more. My Dr. said this is critical in the first 2 weeks.

The nurse called today. I will go in Monday for my 2nd Beta, Wednesday for my 3rd beta and if my numbers look fabulous, I will have my first u/s on November 16th to see if there are one or two little jewels in there. WOW, that's FAR AWAY! I wonder if I can talk my GYN into sneaking an u/s in earlier. She also confirmed my due date of July 10.

I have been searching my Bible and praising my Lord for his gifts to our family. This verse spoke to me last night and it is so true!

"May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the LORD grant all your requests. " Psalm 20:4-5

We give HIM ALL THE GLORY FOR THESE PRECIOUS ONES!

Gomer Pyle. SURPRISE SURPRISE SURPRISE!!

Do you remember him saying that?

God has been so good to us.

I bought a total of 11 HPT's because I knew I would be an anal retentive FREAK about testing. I bought 9 from The Dollar Tree $9 total and 2 "GOLD" Early Response for $20.

I took a Dollar Tree HPT yesterday at 4dp6dt (4 days post 6 day transfer meaning the babies were 6 days old when transferred)-negative.

I thought "WHAT THE HEY" and decided to take another this a.m. at 5dp6dt. GUESS WHAT?

TWO LINES BABY!!!! I'm PREGNANT!!!!! UNBELIEVABLE!

I had my progesterone and estrogen lab scheduled for today so I loaded up and went down & got my blood drawn and FOR SOME REASON (wonder what that could be?) they did an HCG also.

I got a call from my nurse out in CA about an hour ago she said "your progesterone is high which is good and FOR SOME REASON THEY DID AN HCG although we do not like to do them this early...YOU ARE DEFINITELY PREGNANT!" She also said they want to see my beta at least 70 on Monday! She said to stay "cautiously optimistic."

I AIN'T STAYIN' CAUTIOUS ABOUT NOTHING-I'M PRAISING GOD FROM THE MOUNTAIN TOPS!!

Thank you Jesus for having mercy on me and saving my sweet babies! Praise the LORD!

Oh, and this is the maternity shirt I plan on ordering & wearing! LOVE IT!

HOME....

I rolled in last night around midnight. Slept the entire way to the airport and almost the entire flight. I stopped at CVS pharmacy and bought 2 early response GOLD pregnancy tests which I plan on taking next Friday and Saturday.

Now, what you've all been waiting for... Our little embies. This is our first little hatching blastocyst jewel-weighing in at 5AAA and hatching out of it's little shell-adorable I think.

This is our second jewel-a 4AAA expanded blast thawed the morning of the transfer. You can see the laser mark on the lower right hand side where the Dr. lasered it for assisted hatching. (to help it come out of it's shell just like his brother or sister in the above pic) VERY REMARKABLE!I spent most of my time here, with this view and with my feet in the air crashed by the pool or beach. I actually fell asleep AND DROOLED in a lounge chair.A message for our sweet daddy.Our final stop before heading home was to Grant's Park on top of a mountain/hill. The Padre Serra Cross was the perfect place to say a prayer and blessings over the sweet ones in my womb. Angel prayed with her hand on my belly for these 2 little lives to grow and "make it" and I promptly BAWLED like a baby. In just 1 week I will know if my babies made it. So surreal.....

Babies ON BOARD!!!

I left my house yesterday at 4:09am for the airport. My DH, got up, loaded my bag, embraced me and said the most wonderful prayer over me. The entire 2 1/2 hr. drive to the airport it poured rain and I prayed and listened to praise and worship music all the way. The flight left KC at 8am SHARP. I was able to take a little nap on the plane. Angel & I arrived into L.A. around 9:15 & got our rental car. We made a VERY IMPORTANT stop at In & Out. We were told by the car rental worker that we MUST order our burgers "ANIMAL STYLE." And we did. SO SUPER YUM! Fries cut from a fresh potato with each order! TO DIE FOR!

The traffic was fairly MOBBED getting out of L.A. and we did just fine in our HOT Dodge Caliber. We listened to a variety of 80s oldies since we couldn't find a K-LOVE station.

I drove the hour to get to the fertility clinic. I wasn't too nervous until I walked in the door. Then I felt EVERY MUSCLE tense up in my body. I paid the transfer fee $2200 and was taken back for the "mock transfer" and transvaginal u/s. The mock took about 10 seconds and the u/s looked PERFECT! 13mm lining and trilaminar. No free fluid or cysts. YAY!! Called dh to report :)

I was then moved into the transfer room called my dh again and undressed completely-put on the ugly booties, took 1 valium and was joined by Denise-my acupuncturist & she put the needles in. I didn't relax as much as I normally do with acupuncture. I would have liked to-I was still a nervous NELLY. I cranked on some calm Daniel Eric Groves worship music but was still agitated. I tried deep breathing. Basically, the valium didn't do SQUAT!!!! Then it was transfer time.

Dr. K came in and gave me the report on my 2 sweet embies. The one that was thawed on Wednesday is graded 5AAA and was already hatching out. The one thawed yesterday morning was graded 4AAA. It was at THIS POINT that I got emotional and broke down. IT WAS REALLY HAPPENING! I apologized as the tears remained flowing quietly.

He said I would see a "flash" on the screen when the babies went in but I didn't see it really. They are so small. When he was all done. Dr, K gently rubbed my arm and said "You have jumped through many hoops to get these babies and you have done everything I have asked of you & the good news is, it could not have gone any more perfect." I then asked him what my percentage was of pregnancy. He said "70%-80%". Then I asked him what the percentage for twins was and he said "35%." That 35 saddened me. I would have liked this to be higher but I know one thing...
MY GOD CAN DO ANYTHING!!!! MY GOD DOES NOT CARE ABOUT PERCENTAGES!!! HE CAN MAKE BOTH THESE BABIES SURVIVE!

Angel drove to our hotel on the beach where we ate out by the ocean & the chef at the hotel cut an ENTIRE pineapple core for me into slices-I ATE THE WHOLE THING (which the acupuncturist said would be GREAT) & then retreated to our room. I took another Valium around 6pm as I opened the balcony door and listened to the waves, I drifted off to sleep. I woke up at 11pm to go potty and write in my journal & pray then went to sleep until 6am. A good 12 hour sleep is just what the babies and I needed.

Just enjoyed whole grain pancakes and chicken apple wood smoked sausage for breakfast and now I am off to go up the road for an hour massage-I thought that would be really good for me :)

Where we are staying there is a great pool and TONS of surfers and a HUGE pier. I could watch them surf ALL DAY! VERY RELAXING!

The THAW....

I just got a call from the embryologist. She thawed a straw with 2 embies in it. One of our "jewels" is now resting in the arms of Jesus. I have had my cry & my dh even teared up.

The little jewel got stuck to the side of the straw and would not come out without harming it.

We have one "excellent" 4AB blast ready to meet mama tomorrow and she will be thawing a second straw with 1 5AB blast in the morning.

By this time tomorrow I will be pregnant! UNBELIEVABLE!

One of my BSIC (bloggy sisters in Christ) said God spoke to her about sending me this WILD OLIVE t-shirt for the day I meet my babies. I will be wearing it on the plane, to the transfer and may not take it off until I get back!

This is the quoted verse on the shirt"

"He who began an good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

I will try to blog while I am gone but may not check in until I get back Sunday! Say an extra prayer for us would ya?

WORKED UP!

I was so WORKED UP Friday thinking I may be ovulating & have free fluid on my u/s, I forgot to ask about my lining.

Dr.'s office called today to say its "PERFECT" at 12mm and trilaminar-YIPPEE! Wonder what it will be on Thursday for the transfer?

My acupuncturist called to confirm our appointment today. I asked her if a money order would be acceptable payment and she said "GROOVY!" Hello California LINGO! LOVE IT! She said she would spend about 45 minutes before my FET and 45 minutes after my FET for my acupuncture sessions. That plus the VALIUM-I should be one RELAXED MAMA!

Can't forget to buy that pineapple on the way back to the hotel. Eating the core supposedly helps those babies attach and I will do whatever it takes if I remotely think it will help them bond with their mama!

I am starting to get my suitcase packed. Its still surreal.

Oh, and I have BIG LUMPS in my rear from the progesterone but it will be SO WORTH IT!

We told our friends and when I told her she said "I AM THRILLED FOR YOU!" She totally understood why we didn't share earlier. What a blessing to have so many friends lifting us and our sweet little "jewels" (embryos) up! Thank you ALL! 3 days and I will be PUPO!

Thank you so much Lord for all the support you have given us during this embryo adoption. Thank you for all those praying for our babies to live. Thank you for everything. AMEN

JUNK in DA TRUNK-THANKFUL!

I gave myself my first IM PIO (progesterone in oil) shot today. No biggie. It was 1cc. Tomorrow I will be doing 2cc's and stay at that dose for the long haul. I'm sure once I do them daily, it will be hard to sit on the old rump. Luckily, God gave me PLENTY of JUNK IN MY TRUNK to put that needle into :) Thank you Lord!

I have had some mild side effects from the delestrogen that I wanted to share for those of you who may do this in the future. Some headaches, lots of abdominal bloating,edema (swelling of the arms/legs) & weight gain. My doctor checked me out a couple weeks ago and said I was just fine. As long as the swelling wasn't in one area, I'm good to go. Other than that it hasn't been bad.

DH & I were just discussing all my travel arrangements. He will be staying here to "MAN THE HOUSE" and kids and my close friend Angel will be going with me. She is an R.N. so she will be a great asset to have! WE CAN'T WAIT! To just chill on the beach, read our Bibles, eat like pigs, pray, read magazines, books & have some girl time-SO EXCITED! And obviously SO EXCITED about the babies!

My DH mentioned last night that he REALLY wants to tell our best friends-a couple we have vacationed with and go to church with & hang out with on a weekly basis about the embryo adoption before I leave for California. I know they will pray for/with us and support us all the way. We willl be doing that in the next couple days. Why haven't I wanted to tell anyone??? THE STRESS!!! AND-I don't want ANY judgements. Right now I want my focus to be on GROWING THESE 2 LITTLE LIVES & nothing else.

LOOONNNGGG DAY!

I have struggled to sleep since my u/s & blood work Monday indicated I may be ovulating & the threat of my cycle being cancelled YET AGAIN. I rose early & was SURE I was ovulating this morning- I JUST KNEW IT. I was at my GYN's office by 8:15am, got my lab and u/s done. The ultrasound showed one small cyst (possible ovulation BUT NO FREE FLUID-YIPPEE!!

I FINALLY got the call at noon from my Dr. here saying my progesterone was 0.4-NON-OVULATORY!!!!

Tonight during my daughters birthday party with 18 or so kids ON A HAY RIDE-my Dr's office FINALLY called to say that I am G2G!

GOOD TO GO PEOPLE!!!! I GET TO MEET MY BABIES IN JUST 6 DAYS! HALLELUJAH, PRAISE THE LORD!

Thank you so much for all your prayers, comments and support!

Tomorrow I start the EVER ANTICIPATED progesterone shots-YAHOO! I seriously can't wait to get this BABY MAKIN' PARTY STARTED!

Lord tonight I give you ALL THE GLORY for making this work out! I knew you would work it out just like you wanted it to. I was fully prepared to have this cycle cancelled today and even had my November dates picked out if it happened. Thank you for never leaving me or forsaking me. Thank you for my sweet little embies who will be brought to life in just 6 days. Thank you for my donor couple and all the love they show us and for it all. I am humbled once again by your mercy for such a sinner as me.

FREAKED...

I'm exhausted. FINALLY tonight around 7pm my RE's nurse called me back. My progesterone is 0.2 and estrogen is 822-both good & progesterone indicating I am NOT ovulating now.

The free fluid in the sonogram however... A DIFFERENT STORY. Apparently free fluid can indicate ovulation so he MUST make sure I'm not ovulating and the fluid is gone before I fly out to L.A. I am very bummed out and freaked.

The plan now is for me to go in and get a repeat u/s and progesterone on Friday and if all is well-start my other meds and progesterone on Saturday. It is possible for him to drain the fluid once I get there but he wants to make FOR SURE everything is okay.

Lord, I'm tired, I'm discouraged. Please let me know that this is what I am suppose to do. Like Jen said, "maybe this is just my "last hurdle" to prove I am serious about these babies and I will triumph." I will trust in you Lord. Where you lead I will follow even if it's not the path I want. I really want to meet my little ones, I am praying you allow it to happen as planned. Amen

Looking Good (I THINK?)

NO, THIS IS NOT MY UTERUS :) I just wanted to show those who may not know what the Dr. is looking for at this point what it is suppose to look like. The green out line is the trilaminar or "TRIPLE STRIPE" which is VERY GOOD! The red outline is the thickness of the uterus. The below uterus is perfect for a FET. Mine is ALMOST it's twin. Today my uterus is triple stripe with a thickness of 9.2-PERFECT!

I did however have 2 concerns. I had three small "inactive cysts" on my left ovary-she could tell for sure that I did not ovulate and they weren't from that so that's good. I also had some "free fluid" that was not in my uterus. I have NO IDEA what that means but I am DYING to talk to my Dr's office to make sure they approve of this ultrasound. I will post as soon as I know! 10 days to go peeps!!

Dear Lord, I know you want this transfer to take place. I also know you want these little ones to survive. I have depended on you SO MUCH lately to keep me sane & I continue to draw ALL my strength from you. I just KNOW this is going to work out. I know I have so many people praying for me. I am thankful for Jen, A & H, My selfless donor couple, my DH and many other bloggy friends. I just pray that they will continue to lift me and these little ones up and all will go smoothly & according to YOUR PURPOSE. We promise to dedicate these precious ones to you. AMEN

Chat with Embryologist..

No, this is not one of my embryos BUT, it looks like most of my embryos. All 6 of them are blastocysts. Since my transfer is a mere 13 days from now-The embryologist called yesterday to discuss the embryos and which ones we wanted to thaw. Naturally, we want to implant 2 so will be thawing the straw with 2 in it. In this straw are 2 5 day blasts-one graded 4AB and one 4BB. These are excellent quality. If you would like to know more about how they grade embryos-GO HERE.

The other 4 are also excellent quality and graded either a 3 or 4. There are 3 in one straw and one 6 day blast in the other straw.

She said their clinic has an 80-90% success rate on thawing. I am already confident that both little sweeties will survive the thaw. If not, she will thaw the straw with 1 in it.

I also got more info on the egg donor mom today from my actual donor couple. For some reason all along I thought she was 24 or 26. She was only 22 when she donated her eggs. That being said, the embryologist says it is very likely that the transfer will work. She explained that the age of the egg donor is what they go on to give a success rate for pregnancy. If I were using a 40 year olds eggs (aka my own) with the same grading of 4AA or 4AB-the chances of the transfer working would go down considerably.

I am so thankful to the Lord tonight for my unselfish donor couple. They will never know the joy & love they have given us. I told her how nervous, excited and anxious I was about the upcoming transfer & she shared this verse with me... I will cling to it especially since it was sent from her through God to me.

So, DO NOT FEAR, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

3 Stripes!

Everything went GREAT with my ultrasound this morning! My uterus was trilaminar aka TRIPLE STRIPE and my lining was 8mm! The cyst that was there 2 wks ago is "resolving." Now I just wait for my estrogen level to come back tomorrow to adjust my dose of delestrogen for tomorrow and Friday and then 1 last u/s Monday and I'm done until I get on an airplane headed for L.A.!!

It is hard to believe I only have 17 more days until my transfer!

I am thanking God today for making me wait and teaching me patience during this embryo adoption process. I am so thankful my body is now looking "perfect" for our FET.

I came home with the u/s report and it was laying on the counter. My DH asked "what's that?" I said, "It's the u/s report typed out and it says everything is just right." He said "why do you have to keep going back anyway?" I tried to explain "to make sure my uterus is ready." He said " okay, you handle it, do whatever it takes." Gave me a kiss and walked off. I THINK the details are more than he cares to know LOL!

It seemed before that it was taking FOREVER for my transfer to get here. NOW THE DAYS ARE FLYING BY and truthfully, I'm SCARED!!! It's all really happening!

Due Dates...1st Shot!

Well-here it is... the shot I just gave myself. Delestrogen .2 with a 22 gauge 1 1/2 inch needle. I have no problem giving them to myself, in fact I prefer it. The sheer terror on DH's face and his shaking hand made me RUN like the wind and give it to myself. After you do it once, it's no biggie. PLUS, it feels good to be doing "SOMETHING" for my little embies AND to get this pregnancy party started that I can do myself! GROW LINING GROW! It helps to rub the area after so it won't be sore. I rub it whenever I think of it and it helps calm the burn tremendously. I psychotically looked up my due dates again HERE. It is a GREAT site for telling you how the baby is developing, when each trimester starts etc for 3 or 5 day FET's or IVF pregnancies.

So here are my big days with a 5 day FET of October 22nd.

SINGLETON Due Date: July 10, 2010
TWINS Due Date: June 18, 2010 (prefer this :)

And it says that my 2nd trimester will begin December 22nd so it would be PERFECT to tell our family at Christmas time!

Just 23 days and Mommy will be there guys!

Mis UNDA stood!

Just got a call from my nurse. Apparently I misunderstood the size of this so-called cyst. THANK GOD! It was only 13x15mm and in her words "ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM-WE ARE GOOD TO GO for our October 22nd transfer." She said it was just left over cyst from my period and things look PERFECT! WHEW! All that FREAK OUT for NOTHING!

Here's the schedule:

September 25-Last BCP
September 29 & October 2-.2 delestrogen
October 5-u/s lab
October 6 & 9-delestrogen
October 12-u/s lab
October 13 & 16-delestrogen
October 17-add progesterone injection
October 22-TRANSFER DAY!!

Today I am humbled by the entire process of this embryo adoption. I am PRAISING MY MAKER and apologizing to him for doubting his grace, goodness and desire to give these little embryos a home. I will trust you from here on out, I promise.

Problem..

I had my baseline u/s yesterday. The uterus looked perfect but there was a cyst in my ovary. 13cm by 15cm. I am praying it away. The tech told me it was there but says it may resolve. I will anxiously await my Dr's phone call today to report on that an my estradiol level.

For heaven's sakes. All I have left is one ovary and my uterus-the rest is history and I HAVE TO HAVE A PROBLEM! Why me?

I am off to have a massage and adjustment by my chiropractor-hopefully it will chill me out!

PLEASE LORD, I have so much riding on this. Plane tickets are purchased, all is ready and set. Sorry I'm angry, I know it is all in your timing. Please let this cycle work & make that dumb cyst go away.

The Best??

SUPPOSEDLY-these are some of the best tests you can buy. I am on another board and all the moms swear by these DOLLAR TREE PREGNANCY tests. I was near a Dollar Tree last week so I thought "what the heck" and bought some. For $1-you can't beat it! I will be POAS! Something tells me with my OCD behavior I may need more that 3 :) I also bought myself something else that I am thinking may have "jinxed" me. I bought a $2 black Gap maternity shirt size XL at a garage sale. I figure if I'm having twins, size XL will be perfect but I am thinking that was a "bad move" and may send it to my friend Jen instead. Jen who actually IS pregnant and me, well....I'm not yet but there's nothing wrong with thinking positive right?

I am having my baseline u/s and estradiol tomorrow at 1:30pm-time to get this party started again! I take my last BCP Thursday and then I will wait for this FET cycle to begin and before I know it, I will be meeting my two sweet baby embryos for the first time! Exciting yet very intense and scary at the same time!

Lord-lets face it, you know I am a NERVOUS WRECK OVER HERE! I need you to calm my nerves (as usual). This whole process is REALLY happening and I can feel the tension in my entire being. Please help my stress to be minimal and my tension to ease. With just 30 days to go (but who's counting?) I am just praying for the strength and serenity I need to be a good mommy to the kids I already have and the sweet ones that await me. And please help me not to drive my DH completely crazy. AMEN

BLOTATION & FET final date.

This picture describes how my legs, arms and belly have felt for a couple of weeks..I had my follow up today from my surgery with my GYN. She said everything looks "great." I have my baseline sono and estradiol scheduled for September 23rd. I will take my last BCP September 24-nothing like having 2 visits from AF in one month. She said my "EDEMA" aka all over body SWOLLENNESS is normal for all the hormones my body is trying to adjust to. I told her I exercise, don't drink caffeine and drink water all day long and she said "after you deliver your baby, it will go away." The Provera I was on she said probably made it worse. I have gained 6 pounds in water since my last visit and I can feel the tightness of my skin. She said the swelling was not enough to be concerned about. She also said that she would be praying-I encouraged her to PRAY FOR TWINS as I want both of my babies to survive. She is very excited about this as I am her first patient ever to go through an embryo adoption! CUTTING EDGE BABY!

I bought 1 pair of bigger jeans today after my appointment and they feel good!

The RE nurse from CA called me right after my appointment on my cell to say that my doctor would make sure I had my acupuncture and transfer on the 22nd WITHOUT RUSHING ME. I told her I felt rushed and am now trying to EMBRACE God's new plan. So this is how it will roll.....

My plane lands in L.A. at 9:40am October 22-take valium once in car
(i like that part)

Acupuncture 11am

Transfer 12pm

Acupuncture 12:30pm

1:15pm-OFF TO THE BEACH for 2 days of R & R

Heading home October 24th.

Lord, I really want to feel positive about this schedule change & I haven't really been-sorry. I'm trying to embrace it. I am now getting more excited every minute to meet my 2 little ones. PLEASE LORD, keep them safe until I get there and prepare my body to be "just perfect" for the 2 little ones created by you to grow, nuzzle in and become 2 beautiful babies I can one day hold in my arms & love! Thanks for all you've gotten us through so far! I promise to dedicate these 2 little ones to you and raise them to know the truth about you. I also promise to tell others about embryo adoption and the miracle of it all.
AMEN

RE Disorganization!

Got a call at 8pm last night from my RE nurse. She wanted to know if AF came and let me know what my next steps will be. I started BCP's on Monday CD2 and will continue taking them until Sept. 24. I will have my sono and estradiol checked on the 24th too. Then she said "Well, I'll fax the orders over! Looks like we are ALL SET for October 20th."

I got a call at 8:14 with some news that REALLY TICKED ME OFF! It was her again. She said this......"The doctor just informed me that he will be at a conference the days you were going to be here. We can transfer the 22nd if you want." (the day I was flying home) WHAT ON EARTH?? I sent both her and the doctor the email with my dates and they said it was "ALL GOOD!" I had airline, hotel reservations, acupuncturist coming, a friend going with me who took off work and a friend in L.A. to pick us up from the airport! Not to mention my daughters birthday party was SUPPOSE TO BE the 23rd.

She didn't act too helpful at all basically saying that is just the way it goes & blamed it on him. So I scrambled last night to change my reservations EVERYWHERE. I will most likely be getting my FET the 22nd. I will fly in the a.m. of the 22nd and fly out the 24th-a much quicker trip than I wanted BUT to change it for an extra day was going to cost me and my friend $200.

Does anyone else feel their RE's office is somewhat DISORGANIZED?

I know God has a plan here but it is still upsetting to have to make all these changes.

I MUST KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON!

(but I'm not happy about it)

Red Dot SPECIAL! "King of Pain"

Remember that old song "KING OF PAIN" by The Police? Goes like this...(UHHUM *clears throat*)

"There's a little black spot on the sun today....It's the same old thing as yesterday."

When I was in my young teens and a real DWEEB I'm sure, we used to sing it like this

"There's a little brown spot in my underwear...It's the same old stain as yesterday."

I know, I'm weird and silly but for some reason that crazy song came back tonight when I was getting up from bed to use the bathroom. I GOT THAT STAIN but it's a little RED DOT! A little sign from God that my body is back on track doing what it is suppose to! And raring to get going for this cycle I am!!

So, I had to get up after I was already in bed to post this because I felt I had to or I wouldn't be able to sleep. I fear I will still toss and turn at the vast possibilities of my future embryos, baby names, how I will look pregnant, when I will tell our family-THERE'S SO MUCH ON THIS TWISTED IF ROAD That can literally "make you twisted" isn't there?

One minute I'm thrilled, excited and JUST KNOW I will be pregnant. I know it will work and I am confident that our plan to pass the other 4 embies on to my friend "A" will work out perfectly.

The next minute I'm filled with FEAR. Fear of the unknown, fear of it not working. Fear of failing the donor couple if it doesn't work. The fear that I or my DH may not want to go through this a second time if it doesn't.

That little red dot has meant that this is now FOR REAL, it's time to move forward and in 45 days my 2 sweet baby's will be inside me. It's so surreal.

And so this is the time where scriptures I have memorized come bursting forth in my brain and give me comfort. The first one is my absolute favorite!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6

"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." Psalm 94:19

Embryo Glue-Have You Used It?

I just found out about embryo glue THIS MORNING and by GEORGE I will be asking my doctor some detailed questions about this before my upcoming FET. Another gal on a board I am a member of said her Dr. charged $200 for it. I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES to help my baby embies survive! Heres a bit about it...

Dr. Andrew Weston, Follas embryologist and lab director, is pleased to offer our patients a new product to help increase the likelihood of embryo implantation. Embryo Glue, a protein solution manufactured by Vitrolife, closely resembles the environment in the uterus at the time of implantation. It is not glue in the true sense, but acts as a bridge between the embryo and the uterus. The hyaluronan in Embryo Glue improves the communication between the embryo and the uterine wall to minimize embryo drifting after transfer. Early studies indicate that Embryo Glue may improve the implantation rate up to 34%! Dr. McLaughlin may recommend this option to you to enhance the likelihood that you will conceive!

Any of you ever heard of or used this??

Provera=Period... Whatever it takes!

Got a message on my cell phone tonight while we were out to dinner that my Dr. wants me to take 5 days of Provera (form of progesterone) to help me start my period and then all will be well for my October 20 FET cycle. She already called it in to my Wal-Mart pharmacy so I will pick it up & start it tomorrow.

That's the scoop!

Dear baby embies,

Mommy has REALLY gone through a lot to get you but you are SO worth it! My patience has been tested so many times during this amazing journey but I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON YOU! The closer I get to meeting you, the more excited I am.

Love, Mommy

SAY WHAT??

I've been calling my RE since we got back from VACA and FINALLY got to talk to the nurse today. I told her AF still has not shown up and she said "you mean the Dr. never put you on progesterone or anything when your cycle got cancelled?" And I said "no, he told me that in 2-14 days I should have AF again." I am thinking that my surgery has my system "all jacked up" and so it is taking longer.

She went on to say that he is out of town right now and will be back tomorrow and she would call me with his instructions tomorrow and then she said this........"AND YOU KNOW, THIS MAY DELAY THINGS WITH THIS CYCLE." I just wanted to SCREAM!!!!!!!

And I'm thinking HOW??? How could this delay a transfer that is 7 1/2 weeks away????? All you women out there who have had your cycles manipulated by the RE masters know that this is more than enough time to get my bod back in sync right? Give a sister some reassurance would ya?

UGH that's all I can say, UGH! AND that I wish I were back on the beach!!!

Thinking BEACHY thoughts...

We are off on our vacation to the beach where I will be free of MOST pregnancy thoughts :)

I am however thinking about how 2 or possibly 4 little feet may make it a much more interesting vacation next summer!

Can't wait to sink my toes in the sand! I'll wiggle them around for you too!

AF still has not come & with my luck will decide to rear her head during my beach VACA where I can only wear a pad with my swimsuit-Isn't that HOT? (no tampons until after my post surgery check up)

Talk to you all when we get back!

Dear Lord,

Thanks for letting me ENJOY my VACA with my family without having to worry about any IF stuff. Thank you for allowing our family to take this wonderful vacation to the beach. I see now why my cycle would be MUCH BETTER in October although I REALLY wanted to be pregnant with my friend Jen, I understand. I pray we travel safe and stay healthy on our trip. Thank you for all you provide for us daily. AMEN

CONFIDENT!!

We are so confident of my new transfer date that we booked my flight to CA today after making sure the date was fine with my Dr.! $219 with tax. I leave October 19th. Transfer the 20th and home the 22nd! My next step will be starting BCP's on day 2 of my next cycle so just waiting for AF to get here now.

I am still bloated like a beached whale in the belly area & look about 4 months along. I'm hoping it calms down a bit before our FL vacation next Thursday. I am getting all organized for that. Signed the boy up for football & trying to find a place to sign the girls up for dance.

My son-in-laws parents will be here the day after we get back from vacation & we will all prepare to say farewell to my SIL as he goes to defend our country in Iraq for a year.

Then before you know it, It will be transfer time! I am SO BLESSED!

TUBELESS Princess! Like, Yay!

Our babysitters showed up promptly yesterday morning and before I knew it, DH & I were on our way for my surgery. I was very nervous about "going under." I was fear full that I may come out without my ovary since that is what happened a couple years ago when she went in to remove my endometriosis. I came out with no right ovary or tube.

Next thing I knew, I was home snuggled in my bed with my feet propped up like any TUBELESS PRINCESS SHOULD BE! And I had a very sweet set of feet propped up right along with mine. My 3 year old is very compassionate and he comforted me all day. My DH handled dinner, bed time and me very lovingly despite my demands for Sprite and Reese's. My doctor told me before the surgery that even if my Dr. in CA wasn't going to remove that nasty tube-she was. She said there is NO WAY I would have been able to carry my babies with that 30mm tube in there. I am thrilled to have this part over and to be moving on. SO THRILLED my ovary was in good shape and able to stay around.

I even scored these HOT mesh biker short undies out of the deal and they are super comfy over my incisions.

We are planning and October 20th FET of our sweet adopted embryos and I am thrilled! Thrilled to be moving forward. Thrilled that I took this big step to keep my babies out of harms way although SELFISHLY I wanted to move forward with MY PLAN not God's. Thrilled that I have one great ovary and a super gorgeous uterus to offer my little ones. Thrilled that DH and I discussed some super cool baby names last night. Thrilled that my pain is super minimal. Thrilled that God is the ultimate encourager through this journey and he is right by my side.

IT is 4am now and I am up. I went to bed at 7pm so now I am wired. Thank you all for your prayers and words of support.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Philippians 2:3

Thank you Lord for showing me that my little baby embryos are WAY more important than me and my timing.

Saddle...

I'm climbing back in the saddle today. I'm done sulking peeps. The devil loves it when I sulk. And the last thing I want to do is please him.

I'm having surgery on Monday August 10th at 12:30pm CST to have my left fallopian tube removed. I had all my pre-op lab drawn today. Now THAT'S service!

We figured since my DH was already on vacation this week due to our scheduled transfer...Now is the time. I just didn't think it would be in just 3 days but I'm ready to get rid of that trouble making tube.

We are shooting for a new FET date of on or around October 21st.

Dear Lord,

Sorry I was a bit (okay a LOT) of a whiner yesterday. I know this is all in your plan and that my babies will be so much safer once my body is straightened out. You know I would never do anything to harm them. Thank you for forgiving me always when I do dumb stuff. And thanks for getting this surgery done while DH is still on vacation and can care for the little ones as I recover.

Cancelled...

It was mine and my DH's choice to cancel our FET cycle. I could have gone on & had him drain it but we are not willing to put our baby embies at ANY risk.

All medicine is stopped & I will be having surgery to remove my left fallopian tube ASAP (I'm hoping next week) and then restart a new cycle with my next period. STUPID TUBE!

I will now resume sulking and feeling sorry for myself for a few days and then I will be sinking my toes into the Florida sand on August 20th.

I know this is God's plan but I just don't like it right now. I must keep my embies best interest in my heart.

Not Looking Good...

Well, Its not looking good for my FET cycle to continue. It will MOST LIKELY be cancelled. I am disappointed to say the least but KNEW in my heart it was coming.

The nurse just called and said that I have a phone consult scheduled at 12:45CST with my Dr. tomorrow to discuss the results. I am suppose to start taking a baby aspirin daily & take my 0.3 delestrogen injection tonight and wait for the call tomorrow. She said he is "very concerned" about my hydrosalpinx and wants to discuss cancelling the cycle. Like I said before, I don't want to put my little ones in ANY danger. I want THE BEST possible environment for them and if that means I have to have a surgery to remove that DUMB TUBE, I will do it because I already love them-my precious ones.

Now off to sulk & tell my DH.

WAITING....

Well-had my 6 day pre-transfer US and blood work today.

Again good and bad news.

Good-my lining is PERFECT at a 12 and trilaminar.

Bad-my hydrosalpinx has increased in size by a lot.

SO..I am waiting to hear whether my cycle will be cancelled or not. My Dr. will call me either tonight or in the morning to let me know whether he wants to drain the tube transvaginally the day before my transfer or have me cancel. I leave for CA in just 5 days and am waiting to making my airline reservations. I'M A WRECK! Sick to my tummy with worry.

But I am giving it ALL to my Savior and I take comfort in the fact that he already knows my plans. I just find it hard to believe that God would bring me all this way to stop things. My babies are waiting....

Good News...Bad News...Still Praising HIM!

I am VERY CORNFUSED right now. But still very at peace that Jesus has me & my babies in his palm.

My appointment was uneventful today (or so I thought). The US tech RAVED about my "UTERINE PERFECTION" as I had my cd10 US. My lining was 9mm-& trilaminar-right where they want it! I also had my estradiol drawn but won't get results until tomorrow and then they will adjust my delestrogen dose. I also had my pap while I was there. It all went really smooth & I THOUGHT I was right on track for my transfer in 2 weeks.

AT 6:30pm my phone rang and it was the nurse telling me that my Dr. wanted me to call him at home tonight after 10:30pm to discuss the US results. I asked her if it was regarding the possible left hydrosalpinx near my left ovary. (which the sono tech said was "NO BIG DEAL") and she said "yes". CRAP!!!

I promptly called him at 10:40pm and he said that IF I do have a hydrosalpinx, then my chances of pregnancy decrease by 50%. He gave me 2 options....

1. He told me the "optimal" solution would be to STOP MY CYCLE RIGHT NOW and have surgery to remove my tube. BUT, it would cancel everything I've been doing (acupuncture, doctor appointments, arranging around my husband & 6 kids schedules)
2. OR He can drain the tube transvaginally the day before my procedure. Which WOULD NOT cancel my cycle. He said that he has had patients get pregnant both ways.

He also said it may truly not even be a hydrosalpinx since it has never been seen on any previous ultrasounds. He also said it could go away by my US next week. I asked him what he would do if it were his wife. He said "you have SO MUCH invested here with your husband & childrens work schedules & you have such a positive outlook and way about you, I would just go for it. Sometimes in life you have to take chances." Then he said He also said "if you don't get pregnant, I will work with you on ANY FEES for doing a second transfer." HERE IS A GOOD ARTICLE ON HYDROSALPINX.

These DARN ovaries and tubes have been NOTHING BUT TROUBLE FOR ME since I had my oldest with all my endometriosis, pain etc. I can't WAIT to get these out after I deliver my babies!

I believe JESUS IS THE ULTIMATE PHYSICIAN and HE WILL MAKE THIS GO AWAY before my babies get there. Remember just a few weeks ago on my first sono, I had 2 large cysts-1-5cm, 1-3cm. I prayed over my belly and those cysts several times daily and those babies were gone by my next US!

My DH was asleep when I called so I haven't shared the news with him yet. I will be doing some serious praying over my left side and I know MY GOD will make this work out. My thought right now is, If it is still there next week right before I go to CA, I may cancel then but I need to pray until then& wouldn't mind it if you all prayed along with me.

I know one thing...I DO NOT WANT TO PUT MY EMBIES in any danger of being lost & me being the cause. I am at peace with everything right now. I'm not scared but I don't know 100% what to do. TIME TO GET ON MY KNEES and talk to THE BIG GUY. What would YOU DO?

Lord, What am I to do? Please ease any anxieties or fears I may have. I will seek your calm and wisdom here. Help me not to make a selfish, rash decision but to look to you for all the answers. You have opened SO MANY DOORS along this journey. I just find it hard to believe that this closes the door. Lord, you know how much planning and logisitcs this has taken for our family to make this happen. If you want to shut this cycle down Lord, make it clear to us. No matter which doors open or close, I promise one thing, to be FAITHFUL TO YOU and PRAISE YOU no matter what. Help me to live my life to serve you. AMEN

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him." Psalm 62:5

Embies Safe....Me, Lost!

I just got the call...Our 6 sweet adopted embryos are safe and sound in California! Their last stop before I meet them! The donor father has to do one more California required blood test called HTLV and then we will be set!

I have been feeling SO LOST! Like I should be doing "something MORE" to get ready for the transfer. I don't do anything until tomorrow when I give myself my next estrogen shot. Then I go back Tuesday for my next U/S, pap, cultures and blood work. GROW LINING GROW!

When she took my blood on Tuesday, it didn't hurt at all! Bizarre I have this crazy purple bruise. When I look at it, it reminds me that this is REALLY HAPPENING LOL! Proof that I'm moving forward though it seems SO SLOW! My kids keep saying "what's that mommy, what's wrong with your arm?"

Hope you all have a blessed and fabulous weekend!