4 week madness!

Here's me in all my madness LOL!

Happy 4weeks little ones-KEEP GROWING!

NERVOUS NELLY!

Yes, i am a nervous NELLY about this pregnancy. I think all who have suffered IF are right? I just may be a bit more NUTS than the others of you.

I had a SHARP pain in my lower right side in the middle of the night that lasted about 30 seconds. It woke myself and DH up.

OF COURSE I called my gyn office this a.m.(after my positive $TREE test of course) and was promptly told it is TOTALLY NORMAL and just ligaments stretching out to make room for baby. She also told me that I also needed to get a flu shot when I am in the office Monday for my beta. I guess I will although I've never had one before.

I know you all must think I am COO COO FOR COCOA PUFFS to be testing every day but, it gets even better with my looniness ladies. In order to get pregnant, I had a surgery in August. My belly has never quite UNSWOLE itself from then AND all the hormone shots I take daily have made my abdomen a bit bigger. We were out yesterday and my biggest pair of jeans was DIGGING INTO MY GUT.

SO, you guessed it, at 3w5d pregnant I went to MOTHERHOOD MATERNITY and got a pair of jeans and a sweat outfit. DON'T JUDGE PEEPS! I know I'm nuts but they fit like butter and let my swollen gut breathe!!!!! If you've never been in there, they strap a fake belly pillow on you when you try the clothes on-so unbelievable.

Then I cried ALL THE WAY HOME in the car telling DH how I had just longed for the day to actually just buy a pair of these and just go into one of these stores. When I was pregnant 19 years ago, I never would have been able to afford to go in a maternity store. I wore sweats and big shirts!

I'm just "KEEPIN' IT REAL HERE" ..NUTS OR NOT!

PS-I'll be exactly 4 weeks tomorrow in case you wondered LOL!

TMI? PSYCHO TESTER!

Yes, I have become a PSYCHO TESTER! LOL! I just splurged on one of the "gold" tests just to reconfirm for the 2nd time today. You that have been through IF know the feeling. It's just SO HARD to believe. I really can't believe it, Even when the test came up positive in seconds. I don't know when I will truly believe it? I struggle with that. Something we've dreamed about for the 10 years we've been together is really happening-WOW!

Although my pre-natals have a stool softener in them, I'm one constipated MAMA! OUCH! I will be off for prune juice in the morning. I took a nap today when my kids napped and have a feeling this will be part of my normal routine. I was also told to up my caloric intake by 40% so I am really trying to eat more. My Dr. said this is critical in the first 2 weeks.

The nurse called today. I will go in Monday for my 2nd Beta, Wednesday for my 3rd beta and if my numbers look fabulous, I will have my first u/s on November 16th to see if there are one or two little jewels in there. WOW, that's FAR AWAY! I wonder if I can talk my GYN into sneaking an u/s in earlier. She also confirmed my due date of July 10.

I have been searching my Bible and praising my Lord for his gifts to our family. This verse spoke to me last night and it is so true!

"May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the LORD grant all your requests. " Psalm 20:4-5

We give HIM ALL THE GLORY FOR THESE PRECIOUS ONES!

Gomer Pyle. SURPRISE SURPRISE SURPRISE!!

Do you remember him saying that?

God has been so good to us.

I bought a total of 11 HPT's because I knew I would be an anal retentive FREAK about testing. I bought 9 from The Dollar Tree $9 total and 2 "GOLD" Early Response for $20.

I took a Dollar Tree HPT yesterday at 4dp6dt (4 days post 6 day transfer meaning the babies were 6 days old when transferred)-negative.

I thought "WHAT THE HEY" and decided to take another this a.m. at 5dp6dt. GUESS WHAT?

TWO LINES BABY!!!! I'm PREGNANT!!!!! UNBELIEVABLE!

I had my progesterone and estrogen lab scheduled for today so I loaded up and went down & got my blood drawn and FOR SOME REASON (wonder what that could be?) they did an HCG also.

I got a call from my nurse out in CA about an hour ago she said "your progesterone is high which is good and FOR SOME REASON THEY DID AN HCG although we do not like to do them this early...YOU ARE DEFINITELY PREGNANT!" She also said they want to see my beta at least 70 on Monday! She said to stay "cautiously optimistic."

I AIN'T STAYIN' CAUTIOUS ABOUT NOTHING-I'M PRAISING GOD FROM THE MOUNTAIN TOPS!!

Thank you Jesus for having mercy on me and saving my sweet babies! Praise the LORD!

Oh, and this is the maternity shirt I plan on ordering & wearing! LOVE IT!

HOME....

I rolled in last night around midnight. Slept the entire way to the airport and almost the entire flight. I stopped at CVS pharmacy and bought 2 early response GOLD pregnancy tests which I plan on taking next Friday and Saturday.

Now, what you've all been waiting for... Our little embies. This is our first little hatching blastocyst jewel-weighing in at 5AAA and hatching out of it's little shell-adorable I think.

This is our second jewel-a 4AAA expanded blast thawed the morning of the transfer. You can see the laser mark on the lower right hand side where the Dr. lasered it for assisted hatching. (to help it come out of it's shell just like his brother or sister in the above pic) VERY REMARKABLE!I spent most of my time here, with this view and with my feet in the air crashed by the pool or beach. I actually fell asleep AND DROOLED in a lounge chair.A message for our sweet daddy.Our final stop before heading home was to Grant's Park on top of a mountain/hill. The Padre Serra Cross was the perfect place to say a prayer and blessings over the sweet ones in my womb. Angel prayed with her hand on my belly for these 2 little lives to grow and "make it" and I promptly BAWLED like a baby. In just 1 week I will know if my babies made it. So surreal.....

Babies ON BOARD!!!

I left my house yesterday at 4:09am for the airport. My DH, got up, loaded my bag, embraced me and said the most wonderful prayer over me. The entire 2 1/2 hr. drive to the airport it poured rain and I prayed and listened to praise and worship music all the way. The flight left KC at 8am SHARP. I was able to take a little nap on the plane. Angel & I arrived into L.A. around 9:15 & got our rental car. We made a VERY IMPORTANT stop at In & Out. We were told by the car rental worker that we MUST order our burgers "ANIMAL STYLE." And we did. SO SUPER YUM! Fries cut from a fresh potato with each order! TO DIE FOR!

The traffic was fairly MOBBED getting out of L.A. and we did just fine in our HOT Dodge Caliber. We listened to a variety of 80s oldies since we couldn't find a K-LOVE station.

I drove the hour to get to the fertility clinic. I wasn't too nervous until I walked in the door. Then I felt EVERY MUSCLE tense up in my body. I paid the transfer fee $2200 and was taken back for the "mock transfer" and transvaginal u/s. The mock took about 10 seconds and the u/s looked PERFECT! 13mm lining and trilaminar. No free fluid or cysts. YAY!! Called dh to report :)

I was then moved into the transfer room called my dh again and undressed completely-put on the ugly booties, took 1 valium and was joined by Denise-my acupuncturist & she put the needles in. I didn't relax as much as I normally do with acupuncture. I would have liked to-I was still a nervous NELLY. I cranked on some calm Daniel Eric Groves worship music but was still agitated. I tried deep breathing. Basically, the valium didn't do SQUAT!!!! Then it was transfer time.

Dr. K came in and gave me the report on my 2 sweet embies. The one that was thawed on Wednesday is graded 5AAA and was already hatching out. The one thawed yesterday morning was graded 4AAA. It was at THIS POINT that I got emotional and broke down. IT WAS REALLY HAPPENING! I apologized as the tears remained flowing quietly.

He said I would see a "flash" on the screen when the babies went in but I didn't see it really. They are so small. When he was all done. Dr, K gently rubbed my arm and said "You have jumped through many hoops to get these babies and you have done everything I have asked of you & the good news is, it could not have gone any more perfect." I then asked him what my percentage was of pregnancy. He said "70%-80%". Then I asked him what the percentage for twins was and he said "35%." That 35 saddened me. I would have liked this to be higher but I know one thing...
MY GOD CAN DO ANYTHING!!!! MY GOD DOES NOT CARE ABOUT PERCENTAGES!!! HE CAN MAKE BOTH THESE BABIES SURVIVE!

Angel drove to our hotel on the beach where we ate out by the ocean & the chef at the hotel cut an ENTIRE pineapple core for me into slices-I ATE THE WHOLE THING (which the acupuncturist said would be GREAT) & then retreated to our room. I took another Valium around 6pm as I opened the balcony door and listened to the waves, I drifted off to sleep. I woke up at 11pm to go potty and write in my journal & pray then went to sleep until 6am. A good 12 hour sleep is just what the babies and I needed.

Just enjoyed whole grain pancakes and chicken apple wood smoked sausage for breakfast and now I am off to go up the road for an hour massage-I thought that would be really good for me :)

Where we are staying there is a great pool and TONS of surfers and a HUGE pier. I could watch them surf ALL DAY! VERY RELAXING!

The THAW....

I just got a call from the embryologist. She thawed a straw with 2 embies in it. One of our "jewels" is now resting in the arms of Jesus. I have had my cry & my dh even teared up.

The little jewel got stuck to the side of the straw and would not come out without harming it.

We have one "excellent" 4AB blast ready to meet mama tomorrow and she will be thawing a second straw with 1 5AB blast in the morning.

By this time tomorrow I will be pregnant! UNBELIEVABLE!

One of my BSIC (bloggy sisters in Christ) said God spoke to her about sending me this WILD OLIVE t-shirt for the day I meet my babies. I will be wearing it on the plane, to the transfer and may not take it off until I get back!

This is the quoted verse on the shirt"

"He who began an good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

I will try to blog while I am gone but may not check in until I get back Sunday! Say an extra prayer for us would ya?

WORKED UP!

I was so WORKED UP Friday thinking I may be ovulating & have free fluid on my u/s, I forgot to ask about my lining.

Dr.'s office called today to say its "PERFECT" at 12mm and trilaminar-YIPPEE! Wonder what it will be on Thursday for the transfer?

My acupuncturist called to confirm our appointment today. I asked her if a money order would be acceptable payment and she said "GROOVY!" Hello California LINGO! LOVE IT! She said she would spend about 45 minutes before my FET and 45 minutes after my FET for my acupuncture sessions. That plus the VALIUM-I should be one RELAXED MAMA!

Can't forget to buy that pineapple on the way back to the hotel. Eating the core supposedly helps those babies attach and I will do whatever it takes if I remotely think it will help them bond with their mama!

I am starting to get my suitcase packed. Its still surreal.

Oh, and I have BIG LUMPS in my rear from the progesterone but it will be SO WORTH IT!

We told our friends and when I told her she said "I AM THRILLED FOR YOU!" She totally understood why we didn't share earlier. What a blessing to have so many friends lifting us and our sweet little "jewels" (embryos) up! Thank you ALL! 3 days and I will be PUPO!

Thank you so much Lord for all the support you have given us during this embryo adoption. Thank you for all those praying for our babies to live. Thank you for everything. AMEN

JUNK in DA TRUNK-THANKFUL!

I gave myself my first IM PIO (progesterone in oil) shot today. No biggie. It was 1cc. Tomorrow I will be doing 2cc's and stay at that dose for the long haul. I'm sure once I do them daily, it will be hard to sit on the old rump. Luckily, God gave me PLENTY of JUNK IN MY TRUNK to put that needle into :) Thank you Lord!

I have had some mild side effects from the delestrogen that I wanted to share for those of you who may do this in the future. Some headaches, lots of abdominal bloating,edema (swelling of the arms/legs) & weight gain. My doctor checked me out a couple weeks ago and said I was just fine. As long as the swelling wasn't in one area, I'm good to go. Other than that it hasn't been bad.

DH & I were just discussing all my travel arrangements. He will be staying here to "MAN THE HOUSE" and kids and my close friend Angel will be going with me. She is an R.N. so she will be a great asset to have! WE CAN'T WAIT! To just chill on the beach, read our Bibles, eat like pigs, pray, read magazines, books & have some girl time-SO EXCITED! And obviously SO EXCITED about the babies!

My DH mentioned last night that he REALLY wants to tell our best friends-a couple we have vacationed with and go to church with & hang out with on a weekly basis about the embryo adoption before I leave for California. I know they will pray for/with us and support us all the way. We willl be doing that in the next couple days. Why haven't I wanted to tell anyone??? THE STRESS!!! AND-I don't want ANY judgements. Right now I want my focus to be on GROWING THESE 2 LITTLE LIVES & nothing else.

LOOONNNGGG DAY!

I have struggled to sleep since my u/s & blood work Monday indicated I may be ovulating & the threat of my cycle being cancelled YET AGAIN. I rose early & was SURE I was ovulating this morning- I JUST KNEW IT. I was at my GYN's office by 8:15am, got my lab and u/s done. The ultrasound showed one small cyst (possible ovulation BUT NO FREE FLUID-YIPPEE!!

I FINALLY got the call at noon from my Dr. here saying my progesterone was 0.4-NON-OVULATORY!!!!

Tonight during my daughters birthday party with 18 or so kids ON A HAY RIDE-my Dr's office FINALLY called to say that I am G2G!

GOOD TO GO PEOPLE!!!! I GET TO MEET MY BABIES IN JUST 6 DAYS! HALLELUJAH, PRAISE THE LORD!

Thank you so much for all your prayers, comments and support!

Tomorrow I start the EVER ANTICIPATED progesterone shots-YAHOO! I seriously can't wait to get this BABY MAKIN' PARTY STARTED!

Lord tonight I give you ALL THE GLORY for making this work out! I knew you would work it out just like you wanted it to. I was fully prepared to have this cycle cancelled today and even had my November dates picked out if it happened. Thank you for never leaving me or forsaking me. Thank you for my sweet little embies who will be brought to life in just 6 days. Thank you for my donor couple and all the love they show us and for it all. I am humbled once again by your mercy for such a sinner as me.

FREAKED...

I'm exhausted. FINALLY tonight around 7pm my RE's nurse called me back. My progesterone is 0.2 and estrogen is 822-both good & progesterone indicating I am NOT ovulating now.

The free fluid in the sonogram however... A DIFFERENT STORY. Apparently free fluid can indicate ovulation so he MUST make sure I'm not ovulating and the fluid is gone before I fly out to L.A. I am very bummed out and freaked.

The plan now is for me to go in and get a repeat u/s and progesterone on Friday and if all is well-start my other meds and progesterone on Saturday. It is possible for him to drain the fluid once I get there but he wants to make FOR SURE everything is okay.

Lord, I'm tired, I'm discouraged. Please let me know that this is what I am suppose to do. Like Jen said, "maybe this is just my "last hurdle" to prove I am serious about these babies and I will triumph." I will trust in you Lord. Where you lead I will follow even if it's not the path I want. I really want to meet my little ones, I am praying you allow it to happen as planned. Amen

Looking Good (I THINK?)

NO, THIS IS NOT MY UTERUS :) I just wanted to show those who may not know what the Dr. is looking for at this point what it is suppose to look like. The green out line is the trilaminar or "TRIPLE STRIPE" which is VERY GOOD! The red outline is the thickness of the uterus. The below uterus is perfect for a FET. Mine is ALMOST it's twin. Today my uterus is triple stripe with a thickness of 9.2-PERFECT!

I did however have 2 concerns. I had three small "inactive cysts" on my left ovary-she could tell for sure that I did not ovulate and they weren't from that so that's good. I also had some "free fluid" that was not in my uterus. I have NO IDEA what that means but I am DYING to talk to my Dr's office to make sure they approve of this ultrasound. I will post as soon as I know! 10 days to go peeps!!

Dear Lord, I know you want this transfer to take place. I also know you want these little ones to survive. I have depended on you SO MUCH lately to keep me sane & I continue to draw ALL my strength from you. I just KNOW this is going to work out. I know I have so many people praying for me. I am thankful for Jen, A & H, My selfless donor couple, my DH and many other bloggy friends. I just pray that they will continue to lift me and these little ones up and all will go smoothly & according to YOUR PURPOSE. We promise to dedicate these precious ones to you. AMEN

Chat with Embryologist..

No, this is not one of my embryos BUT, it looks like most of my embryos. All 6 of them are blastocysts. Since my transfer is a mere 13 days from now-The embryologist called yesterday to discuss the embryos and which ones we wanted to thaw. Naturally, we want to implant 2 so will be thawing the straw with 2 in it. In this straw are 2 5 day blasts-one graded 4AB and one 4BB. These are excellent quality. If you would like to know more about how they grade embryos-GO HERE.

The other 4 are also excellent quality and graded either a 3 or 4. There are 3 in one straw and one 6 day blast in the other straw.

She said their clinic has an 80-90% success rate on thawing. I am already confident that both little sweeties will survive the thaw. If not, she will thaw the straw with 1 in it.

I also got more info on the egg donor mom today from my actual donor couple. For some reason all along I thought she was 24 or 26. She was only 22 when she donated her eggs. That being said, the embryologist says it is very likely that the transfer will work. She explained that the age of the egg donor is what they go on to give a success rate for pregnancy. If I were using a 40 year olds eggs (aka my own) with the same grading of 4AA or 4AB-the chances of the transfer working would go down considerably.

I am so thankful to the Lord tonight for my unselfish donor couple. They will never know the joy & love they have given us. I told her how nervous, excited and anxious I was about the upcoming transfer & she shared this verse with me... I will cling to it especially since it was sent from her through God to me.

So, DO NOT FEAR, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

3 Stripes!

Everything went GREAT with my ultrasound this morning! My uterus was trilaminar aka TRIPLE STRIPE and my lining was 8mm! The cyst that was there 2 wks ago is "resolving." Now I just wait for my estrogen level to come back tomorrow to adjust my dose of delestrogen for tomorrow and Friday and then 1 last u/s Monday and I'm done until I get on an airplane headed for L.A.!!

It is hard to believe I only have 17 more days until my transfer!

I am thanking God today for making me wait and teaching me patience during this embryo adoption process. I am so thankful my body is now looking "perfect" for our FET.

I came home with the u/s report and it was laying on the counter. My DH asked "what's that?" I said, "It's the u/s report typed out and it says everything is just right." He said "why do you have to keep going back anyway?" I tried to explain "to make sure my uterus is ready." He said " okay, you handle it, do whatever it takes." Gave me a kiss and walked off. I THINK the details are more than he cares to know LOL!

It seemed before that it was taking FOREVER for my transfer to get here. NOW THE DAYS ARE FLYING BY and truthfully, I'm SCARED!!! It's all really happening!