Good News...Bad News...Still Praising HIM!

I am VERY CORNFUSED right now. But still very at peace that Jesus has me & my babies in his palm.

My appointment was uneventful today (or so I thought). The US tech RAVED about my "UTERINE PERFECTION" as I had my cd10 US. My lining was 9mm-& trilaminar-right where they want it! I also had my estradiol drawn but won't get results until tomorrow and then they will adjust my delestrogen dose. I also had my pap while I was there. It all went really smooth & I THOUGHT I was right on track for my transfer in 2 weeks.

AT 6:30pm my phone rang and it was the nurse telling me that my Dr. wanted me to call him at home tonight after 10:30pm to discuss the US results. I asked her if it was regarding the possible left hydrosalpinx near my left ovary. (which the sono tech said was "NO BIG DEAL") and she said "yes". CRAP!!!

I promptly called him at 10:40pm and he said that IF I do have a hydrosalpinx, then my chances of pregnancy decrease by 50%. He gave me 2 options....

1. He told me the "optimal" solution would be to STOP MY CYCLE RIGHT NOW and have surgery to remove my tube. BUT, it would cancel everything I've been doing (acupuncture, doctor appointments, arranging around my husband & 6 kids schedules)
2. OR He can drain the tube transvaginally the day before my procedure. Which WOULD NOT cancel my cycle. He said that he has had patients get pregnant both ways.

He also said it may truly not even be a hydrosalpinx since it has never been seen on any previous ultrasounds. He also said it could go away by my US next week. I asked him what he would do if it were his wife. He said "you have SO MUCH invested here with your husband & childrens work schedules & you have such a positive outlook and way about you, I would just go for it. Sometimes in life you have to take chances." Then he said He also said "if you don't get pregnant, I will work with you on ANY FEES for doing a second transfer." HERE IS A GOOD ARTICLE ON HYDROSALPINX.

These DARN ovaries and tubes have been NOTHING BUT TROUBLE FOR ME since I had my oldest with all my endometriosis, pain etc. I can't WAIT to get these out after I deliver my babies!

I believe JESUS IS THE ULTIMATE PHYSICIAN and HE WILL MAKE THIS GO AWAY before my babies get there. Remember just a few weeks ago on my first sono, I had 2 large cysts-1-5cm, 1-3cm. I prayed over my belly and those cysts several times daily and those babies were gone by my next US!

My DH was asleep when I called so I haven't shared the news with him yet. I will be doing some serious praying over my left side and I know MY GOD will make this work out. My thought right now is, If it is still there next week right before I go to CA, I may cancel then but I need to pray until then& wouldn't mind it if you all prayed along with me.

I know one thing...I DO NOT WANT TO PUT MY EMBIES in any danger of being lost & me being the cause. I am at peace with everything right now. I'm not scared but I don't know 100% what to do. TIME TO GET ON MY KNEES and talk to THE BIG GUY. What would YOU DO?

Lord, What am I to do? Please ease any anxieties or fears I may have. I will seek your calm and wisdom here. Help me not to make a selfish, rash decision but to look to you for all the answers. You have opened SO MANY DOORS along this journey. I just find it hard to believe that this closes the door. Lord, you know how much planning and logisitcs this has taken for our family to make this happen. If you want to shut this cycle down Lord, make it clear to us. No matter which doors open or close, I promise one thing, to be FAITHFUL TO YOU and PRAISE YOU no matter what. Help me to live my life to serve you. AMEN

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him." Psalm 62:5

Embies Safe....Me, Lost!

I just got the call...Our 6 sweet adopted embryos are safe and sound in California! Their last stop before I meet them! The donor father has to do one more California required blood test called HTLV and then we will be set!

I have been feeling SO LOST! Like I should be doing "something MORE" to get ready for the transfer. I don't do anything until tomorrow when I give myself my next estrogen shot. Then I go back Tuesday for my next U/S, pap, cultures and blood work. GROW LINING GROW!

When she took my blood on Tuesday, it didn't hurt at all! Bizarre I have this crazy purple bruise. When I look at it, it reminds me that this is REALLY HAPPENING LOL! Proof that I'm moving forward though it seems SO SLOW! My kids keep saying "what's that mommy, what's wrong with your arm?"

Hope you all have a blessed and fabulous weekend!

Parenting Magazine-"Fate of Frozen Embryos"

Click here to read an interesting article in Parenting Magazine about "The Fate of Frozen Embryos." Although I don't agree with all of it, I'm glad the fate of these little lives is "getting out there." It doesn't mention embryo adoption but embryo donation.This quote from the article REALLY made me think of just how precious these frozen babies are..

"I don't think anybody knows what their opinion is until they're in this situation," says Ginny Scott of Austin, TX. She had one embryo left after giving birth to her children, now 7 and 6. After two years of deliberating possibilities that never seemed right, she and her husband decided to use it to have another baby—her now 3-year-old daughter. One unused embryo, she says, "changed my whole life." She's thankful for her daughter, but also thankful she had only one embryo remaining.

JUST JAB...It's for the BABIES!

Well, my estrogen lab result FINALLY came back at 3:30pm-UGH!!!!! And, I am pleased to say that my estrogen was below 7-YIPPEEE!

So, I put a movie in for the kids, headed to my bathroom, locked the door and tried to talk myself into giving my 0.2ml of Delestrogen for about 20 minutes before I succeeded. I put on my BIG GIRL PANTIES and finally shoved it in. I started out standing, then laying and finally sitting on my vanity chair praying to God all the while that I could do it. He finally gave me the strength to PRESS ON! It wasn't bad at all! I think it will get easier every time! AND, my DH will be here on Sunday and will be off work until September 1st so I only have one more shot to give myself Saturday night and then he will take over! Supposedly estrogen makes you cheery. Anyone else heard that? How can I get any cheerier? YEE HAW!

It's been a good day! Good lab results, good shot experience and my babies are flying as we speak to their last destination before my uterus!! WOO HOO!

Only God could orchestrate all this amazingness! I am praising Him today!

"I will proclaim the name of the LORD. Oh, praise the greatness of our God!" Deuteronomy 32:3

The Good, The Bad and The Disgusting!

THE DISGUSTING
Where do I even begin on this post. I am STRESSED TO THE HILT! AF started RIGHT ON TIME on Saturday night. THAT PSYCHO CAME ON WITH A VENGEANCE! I have had the heaviest, most bloated uncomfortable period in my 39 years. Last night I went in and sat on the pot and heard a big "PLOP." I know this is graphic but I must have this on my blog "FOR THE RECORD." A golf ball size solid clot-I WAS SO SCARED! I called my RE nurse cell phone and she simply said "that's normal after being on BCP's so long." Why do I always feel calmer just hearing her voice? She said if it happened again last night to call back. It didn't and I had a RESTLESS night sleep.

THE GOOD
I was able to shower before my little ones awoke AND my babysitter was on time. My GYN's office is 1 hour away. I prayed over my belly all the way there that those 2 cysts would be gone. I arrived for my Estrogen level blood draw and my ultrasound. My 2 large cysts WERE GONE! Thank you LORD! AND as I was leaving the clinic the cryo bank in TX called to tell me that my 6 baby embies will be shipping out tomorrow to CA! They will be safely in CA by Thursday. I asked all the typical mommy questions. "Will they be safe on their flight?" "What are the chances of them thawing or getting lost." and MUCH more. I was reassured that they will be safe in their canisters and even if they get lost, they will stay frozen inside for 10 days. WHEW!

THE BAD
As I was on my way home, my RE's office called. She said "I got your ultrasound but not your lab. Do you know where the estrogen level is?" So, I called my GYN's office and they said "Yes, we ran it STAT but STAT to us means TOMORROW MORNING." WHAT THE???? Yes, that's right people, when you live in THE STICKS there is no lab that is run STAT anywhere close. In order to get STAT lab, I would have to drive about 3 hours-AIN'T HAPPENIN PEEPS. SO, then the RE nurse calls me back & says this "Well, they found an 18mm cyst OR follicle on your left ovary so until I get your lab back so we know for sure that the follicle or cyst is not producing estrogen, you are on hold with your estrogen shot for tonight." DOUBLE UGH!! AND then she said THIS "and if it IS producing estrogen....YOUR TRANSFER WILL NOT HAPPEN THIS CYCLE." That is about when I PANICKED! So, now I must wait until tomorrow morning to see if I am an estrogen mess or not. My friend Jen & my GYN's nurse have both convinced me that there is most likely NO WAY it is an active follicle since I have been on continuous BCP's for months and am only on CD4 of my first period in 3 months. They are both convinced it is one of my shrunken up cysts and for tonight, I am choosing to believe right along with them. I will admit, I thought about taking one of those Valium I was prescribed as I am SO KEYED UP. Thankfully I have chilled out now.

Dear Lord, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't let my estrogen be high. Please let it just be a normal old boring low number. I pray for your comforting arms to surround me tonight so I can sleep soundly. I pray that I will not have to wait to long in the morning for my results and if I do, that you give me the patience I need to not be a grumpy waiter. Thank you for all the blessings in my life. Please watch over my 6 embies & keep them snuggled in and safe as they make their journey 1/2 way home tomorrow. AMEN

DOPE!

The FED EX guy probably had NO IDEA how excited I was to "GET MY DRUGS!"

The box included:

• A BOATLOAD of needles, syringes, alcohol swabs & gauze
• Delestrogen 20 mg for injection
• 5 tabs of 10 mg Valium
• 5 tabs of 16 mg Prednisone
• 10 tabs of 100 mg Doxycycline
• 4 bottles of Prog in oil for injection

The needles are all 1 1/2 inch needles. Hmmm. My DH will be gone for my first few injections so it's time to BUCK UP & give them to myself. Thank the good Lord I've given thousands of shots and drawn a lot of blood in my life so I have some clue what I'm doing. And even if I didn't, to get my babies home.... I would do ANYTHING!

$94.50

The grand total for all meds NOT paid by our insurance for our upcoming FET cycle. Not bad EH?

SWEEEEEEEET.....

They will be here tomorrow! Last BCP "officially" down the hatch!

One More & Contract

ONE MORE LEFT YIPPEEE!!

Tomorrow is my last day of these dreaded things! The donors have one minor change to the contract and so do we which should be done today!

The contract thing is holding up everything & the donor parents are going on vacation Saturday for 2 weeks & we MUST get this finalized, notarized and signed by Friday in order for the embies to be there 2 weeks prior to the transfer as requested by our clinic.

I will be SO RELIEVED when its done and they are there-HAVE I SAID THAT BEFORE? LOL

We are going out to dinner tonight with a fun group of friends and I can't wait!

If all goes well, AF will be here & Sunday will be CD1 and I will be ON MY WAY!

Lord, you know I need to "chill". I am trusting & leaning on you to keep my anxiety level at a minimum as only you can do. I know you have not gotten us this far to let things fall through now. Thank you for all you've done for us already in this miraculous process!

ISSUES..

Today I woke up, went to the bathroom and had "issues" meaning it was just like I was starting my period. I have had some spotting all along since I started this last pack of BCP's. I take 2 a day you know. But like I said, today was different.

SO, I proceed to call my RE's office 3 times and then the office is closed and STILL Noone has called me back about my "gushing." SO, I call and ask that the Dr. be paged (MAINLY BECAUSE I WAS A PANICKED CONTROL FREAK WHO JUST KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO END MY CYCLE)He told me to page him ANY TIME! Instead of paging him, they transferred me to the nurse still in the office who QUICKLY apologized that she had been on VACA for the last week (like I didn't know, I call EVERY DAY). My acupuncture really helped CHILLAX me and I also took a 2 mile bike ride when I got home (the pedalling kind).

She eased my mind quickly and assured me not to worry & that this happens all the time and since I have been on my BCP's for several months, my lining should be nice and thin and I will probably still have a small period after I stop my BCP's Thursday. She assured me this rarely if ever screws up anyones cycle-WHEW!

She went on to tell me that I would be getting a call this evening from the mail order pharmacy about my meds. She was right, they called. I expected the total to be much more, I don't know why. For ALL my meds, syringes, EVERYTHING-the grand total is $237.17 THEY WILL BE HERE FRIDAY! WOO HOO! She also told me after my 1st ultrasound on the 21st to BOOK MY AIRLINE TICKETS BABY! SO exciting!

After we got off the phone, I asked my DH "SO, do you want to know what's going on with me?" He said "yep." SO, I got out my calendar explained all the ultrasounds, acupuncture, shots, pricing, spotting and everything else I have going on and he was actually really patient and interested in all of it. COULD IT BE because I just spent time helping him pick out the perfect luggage rack for our Harley?

So here's my cost break down for our embryo adoption and FET. The donors were tested 6 months ago so I don't have to pay the normal $500 for that.

$2200 FET
$500 Acupuncture in L.A.
$295 Shipping the embies from TX to LA
$237 Meds
FREE Legal (our friend is doing it)
FREE Travel to L.A.-thank God for frequent hotel stays and airline miles.

$3232 GRAND TOTAL My hubby thought it was a very good total!

Thank you Lord for making this financially "affordable" for us. Thank you for providing the money we need to help unfreeze our precious babies. Thank for NEVER ONCE closing a door in this process. Thank you for the reminder that these orphans need a home just like so many around the globe.

WEANING....

WEAN : to withdraw (a person, the affections, one's dependency, etc.) from some object, habit, form of enjoyment, or the like: The need to reduce had weaned us from rich desserts.

It has been exactly 3 weeks since I was weaned off of these 2 PRECIOUS THINGS....Man they made a GOOD COUPLE...I drank about a pot before 11am every day for years.I had MASSIVE headaches for about a week and a 1/2. But I did it.

Now for my next 2 things which I WILL HOLD ON TO until the Dr. "Officially" tells me -NO MORE!

I have HORRIBLE allergies. I'm allergic to EVERYTHING and have been taking my allergy meds for YEARS!!! It is the "D" (decongestant) in the medicine that no pregnant woman should take. Due to my allergies......I have MAJOR SINUS HEADACHES! I take Ibuprofen about 3 times a day. If I don't, I'm a GRUMPY MOMMY & WIFE for my head THROBS & THROBS! I thought the acupuncture & regular chiropractic visits would take the headaches totally away and it HAS helped.

Lord, please help me to stay healthy without these 2 medicines. You know I don't want to do ANYTHING that would harm the embies. But I am so scared of what will happen if I stop taking them. Please help my headaches to subside without these 2 medicines if that is what the Dr. advises. Give him the wisdom to know what to do to help me with my headaches and allergies. And please make Jen be right and bless us with the twins she is so sure we are going to have. AMEN.

5 MORE BCP's and I'm on my way!!!!

Almost Final...Parents to 6 more!

The donor mom emailed me a little while ago and told me that our attorney contacted her and all legal paperwork should be finalized by this weekend. She said this "Pretty soon we will have nothing left to do but pray pray pray for you guys and the embies!" Then she said this "Wow—your transfer sounds really GOOD!! Ocean view—that’s the way to go—and you will be so close to God looking at his beautiful creation and experiencing a miracle." I will admit, I cried. I am overwhelmed at the kindness of these strangers whom we may NEVER meet this side of heaven. Strangers who, God placed in our lives to fullfill our dream & his dream for these precious frozen ones.

As soon as the contract is signed by us & notarized, it will be sent to them and they will sign and notarize it. Then a copy will be sent to my clinic in L.A. and our 6 precious ones will be sent from TX to CA. The cost to send the embryos is $250 with a $45 handling fee. The clinic will bill us for that later.

These babies have been all over the country which is ironic since my DH is a pilot! The donor couple is from the East Coast but went to FL where the embies were created then after the transfer they flew them to TX for cryopreservation-now they are headed to L.A.!

I made my acupuncture appointments today for before and after the FET while I am in L.A.! I was SHOCKED that it would be $500. I look at it this way, normally the adopting family pays for blood work for the donating couple that is around $500. Since these embryos were just created in February, the lab work is still good so we don't have to pay it.

Speaking of them being created in February....These embryos were created by a couple using DH sperm and donor egg. That means that the donor mom is 5 months pregnant. (her eggs were NOT used but donor eggs were used & her DH's sperm) CORNFUSED YET? So, when I get pregnant in August, we will be pregnant at the same time for a couple of months with blood siblings-I think that is SO NEAT!

I am SO looking forward to being on the beach with my friend Kate! Have I mentioned that my DH is not going with me? I will be MUCH LESS STRESSED if I know he is at home with our little ones while I am away. PLUS, as I mentioned, he is a pilot so he travels several days each month-so staying in hotel is NOT A TREAT for him but it is for me!

Kate will be there to haul me all over and enjoy a break from her life while she babies me! She volunteered! And she lives in L.A.-BONUS! She is also a friend with a strong faith in Jesus who I am looking forward to praying with. She owns a phenomenal Christian business out there. GIRL TIME! I can't wait.

Jen also told me on the phone tonight NOT TO FORGET to eat pineapple a few days before and also after the transfer. Not pineapple out of a can but FRESH pineapple. And you don't eat the sweet stuff-you eat the core. HEY, whatever it takes! It supposedly helps with implantation of the baby embies!

As the transfer gets closer I feel like this embryo adoption is a FULL TIME JOB! SO MUCH GOING ON EVERY DAY!

Thank you Lord for making this process run so smoothly for without you, NOTHING would be possible! I praise you for all you have given me. I thank you so much for Jen-my friend who talks to me for hours on end and gives me MUCH encouragment. For the sacrifice of your Son. For the sacrifice this precious couple is making to realize our dreams and give these embies a chance at "life". It is all incomprehensible to me Lord but I know it is all in your precious plan. I cannot wait to meet the sweet little ones in person that will call me mommy.

DUE DATES...5 weeks

Yes, I realize I'm a bit insane to be figuring this out already but too late, I did, I'm trying to plan EVERY DETAIL LOL! I mean I just don't have enough to stress and worry about. What can I say, I'M A PLANNER!!

I went HERE to get my due dates.

So if all goes perfect and I have my August 11 transfer...

April 29th-SINGLETON

April 7th-TWINS (what I'm secretly routing and praying for-don't tell my hubby)

March 10th-TRIPLETS

Please Lord just give me whatever children you want as long as they are healthy and I at least have one. I promise to fight for other frozen embies, raise awareness and tell my story as a testimony to the beauty of Embryo Adoption. Thank you Lord for this wonderful opportunity!

I have made my reservations in L.A. today! I found a FABULOUS room with an OCEAN VIEW! I figure if I have to lay flat for 24-I may as well have a beautiful view right?

5 weeks from today, I'll be pregnant!! Off to acupuncture!

Big GUNS...

Well, I woke up this morning with my bleeding heavier-almost like a light period with cramps and everything. Even after taking 2 BCP's a day for 2 days, apparently my body KNOWS it's time to cycle and is fighting the BCP's with all its might!

Even though it is the day before the 4th, my Dr. in L.A. promptly called me back and called in "THE BIG GUNS" a higher dose BCP and told me to take one right away and one right before bed. One in the morning and one at night for 3 days until this bleeding goes away totally. I took the first pill and have had no bleeding since then-YAY! Seems so bizarre to be "on the pill" at 39. Makes me want to put back on that argyle sweater and get my "mall bangs" on from the 80's!

I was nervous to get the prescription filled because one of my friends husbands is the pharmacist at WALLY WORLD and no one here knows of our plans. AND in the sicks there is nowhere else to go! AND I'M PARANOID! I'll admit it! I am in the mid-west and here is a prescription being called in from L.A. I'm sure he wondered "hmmmmmmmm...."

My acupuncture was phenomenal as always-so relaxing! We are leaving tomorrow to spend time with family and then heading on a motorcycle ride all day on Sunday.

May you all have a blessed 4th!

Schedule...Things moving!

The donor mom and I both sent the Dr. a personal email yesterday early morning regarding the lack of progress. GUESS WHAT? That got someones REAR IN GEAR because by 9am I had TONS of information that I needed. Including the fact that I had to get my own attorney to draw up a contract between us and the donors. SO, my friend JEN helped me CALM DOWN and CHILLAX. I got everything done.

My schedule looks like this..

July 16 Last BCP

July 21 Start Meds, sono, blood work

July 28 Sono, blood work

August 4 Final Sono, blood work

August 10 Fly out to L.A., meet Dr.

August 11 Transfer the baby embies

August 13 Fly home

I know, it looks easy but I am kind of scared. I am going alone but I have 2 friends out there who will be meeting with me and taking me to my transfer so that is cool!

I have been having some bizarre spotting. I am on continuous BCP's and I was normally suppose to start my period yesterday. So I called the clinic and the nurse told me to take 2 BCP's for 3 days to stop the insanity. So last night I took 2 and still had some spotting this a.m. I hope this doesn't screw things up. I am calling again today to see if there is anything more I should do.

Meantime, My attorney here should have all paper work ready for us and the donor couple today. The donor couple has chosen not to get their own attorney. So our attorney will draft a letter that all parties are in agreement and sent it to L.A. and that part should be DONE!

The donor couple is working on getting the 6 embies to L.A. I should know more about that soon also. It's getting SO CLOSE! 6 weeks 5 days and I'll be pregnant!

UGH!!!

The donor mom emailed me yesterday. They are VERY FRUSTRATED with this process. They had a phone consultation with my Dr. June 20th and told him they were ready to proceed with transferring the embryos to us.

Since June 20th, none of us have heard ANYTHING! There is no excuse for not getting them the proper paperwork. The embies have to travel from TX to CA for heaven's sakes, lets get them there so we can ALL RELAX!! And most importantly so I can stay on schedule for an August transfer. This is just such an emotional experience for all involved. Praying something happens today so our anxieties will all be relieved!

I know God has got this all under control so I choose to meditate on this verse to calm my nerves.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6